My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
