Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
