You made me cry and you don't even care
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
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