I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
