Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
