so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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