She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
