Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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