Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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