i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
