Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
