just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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