I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
