We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
