i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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