If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i dont even know how to be here
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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