I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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