he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
