he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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