there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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