RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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