that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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