3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
