Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
