i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
