1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
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