I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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