Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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