I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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