So drunk its hurt
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
