Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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