we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
