I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
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Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
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I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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