Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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