i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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