So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
