true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
