That's intense
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
