if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
