i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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