my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
