oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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