worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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