I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
