So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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