I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
vagina is talking i cant
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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