i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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