I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
