My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
