I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
