We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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