I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
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