If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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