You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
