Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
