The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
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