i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
