you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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