Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I think your dad took our porno
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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