I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
