he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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